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I have been friends for more than 20 years, a person who's overcome numerous obstacles, and I respect her for that. However, she's constantly taken by surprise by others. Her husband ended their marriage, which came as a huge shock. A lot of her friends disappeared during that time, as they were focused solely on her husband. She was stunned by her deeply. She put in greater energy in our friendship, likely understood more acutely the meaning of companionship.

A Recurring Theme With Friends Drifting Away

In the time since, quite a few of her friends have drifted apart and she isn't knowing the cause. Her previous job turned on her, even though she had been highly competent, she departed without knowing the reason for the change.

Present Situation

In recent times, we've both retired so we're spending frequent meetups, however, I feel my position in the relationship feels one-sided. I start subjects and she changes them to her own topics. In terms of politics, she has firm beliefs. I try to recommend double-checking information or other angles.

She is planning a holiday to a nation I've visited repeatedly and resided in for some time. My intention was to offer advice, but this was met with resistance. She essentially solely sought me to confirm her decisions. I recently come back from a month in that place she is eager to catch up, however, I hesitate.

Considering the Choices

I am unwilling to be a friend who cuts and runs without explanation, but I don't think she'll truly comprehend the consequences of her behaviour on how I feel about myself. Currently, I find myself in distancing myself. What's the best step?

Ways Forward

It's possible to cut and run, but it is not often a smooth outcome we imagine. However, addressing it with the goal of working things out requires bravery and willingness for each of you.

Therapists recommend using a practical approach to handling disagreements:

"Step one is to state what typically happens when you talk. This needs to be objective and clear and basically an unbiased account. Step two involves sharing how this affects you emotionally. Ideally, there's no disagreement here. What you feel are your feelings, of course. Finally is to ask ways you together can shift the pattern between you."

Remember your friend has her own side, so you need to be prepared to listen to her. One effective method involves stating your friend:

"It's your turn to speak and I promise to listen without interrupting for a set time."

It's wildly successful for promoting better communication.

Closing Considerations

Your friend could ignore everything, for those who cling to a self-protecting mindset: they have a version about themselves they cannot let go of as it feels essential is tied to it and it represents familiar to them. This poses a challenge as there is no clear path with these people, just dead ends. But she may at first react defensively before reflecting your perspective. If you don't achieve a resolution, it provides closure that you've been open and direct.